Parody projection · your inputs never leave this page

The bill calculator

Tell it what you were quoted and what you signed up for. It will model the next five years the way the industry actually behaves: credits expiring on a stagger, fees arriving in amounts too small to fight, and a couple of billing errors you'll partially win.

Your deal

The price you were quoted $115

$25$400

Per month, before tax — the number the rep said, not the number on your last bill.

Contract term 5 years

2 yr3 yr4 yr5 yr

What's in the bundle

Internet TV Home phone Home security

Mobility lines 2

Circumstances

Renting their equipment Paperless billing I've paid late before

Updates as you drag. Runs entirely in your browser — nothing is sent anywhere, stored, or logged.

You will pay this much more than you agreed to

Month 1

Recurring line items on your bill

Projected hours on hold

The month after your term ends, if you do nothing

Good news — as a valued customer you qualify for a Loyalty Discount. Would you like to apply it to your account?

The drift

What you were quoted What you're billed

Month 60 · Year 5

$0.00

Month 1Month 60

Your bill

ITEMISED · PROJECTED · PRE-TAX

THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING US
YOU DID NOT REALLY CHOOSE US
THERE ARE TWO OTHER OPTIONS AND THEY DO THIS TOO

Reading the badges

RealGenuinely appears on Canadian telecom bills.
ReportedA pattern widely reported by customers and reflected in CCTS complaint categories.
InventedOurs. Fictional. The mechanism isn't.

Anything flagged ⚑ in the timeline below is something you may be able to complain about successfully — mostly mid-term price changes, which the Internet Code prohibits without your consent.

How to file →

Everything that happens to you, in order

0 billing events across your term.

How the model works, honestly. Your quoted price is the anchor. On top of it the model applies: promotional credits expiring at months 13 and 25; annual rate adjustments scaled to the services you selected; published-order-of-magnitude equipment rental with periodic increases; one unrequested add-on that recurs; a drip of new small recurring fees; and one to three billing errors of which you recover roughly half.

It's deterministic — the same inputs always give the same answer, which is why the share link works. It is a model of an industry pattern, not a prediction about your account, and the fee names marked Invented are fiction.